“You two bicker like an old married couple,” is both a compliment and a backhanded compliment.
After all, you can’t really argue that way without knowing each other for a very long time and having a certain understanding between the two of you, right?
Well, actually, yes, according to a new series of studies by psychologists. After psychology groups performed tests, it became clear that many couples who argue may have a healthier relationship than those who don’t. (BRB gotta go email these results to my husband really quickly.)
1. Multiple Studies Done in the US Show that Couples Who Argue are More Likely to Stay Together.
Psychologists believe that this may be the case for a number of reasons, the most common of which is the fact that arguing allows couples to focus on problems that need to be solved before they become too large.
2. 44% of Married Couples Believe Arguing More than Once a Week Helps Keep Communication Lines Open.
The surprising survey suggests that couples may actually see the importance of arguing to explain their needs clearly to other partners. I’m seeing a trend here where arguing equals more open communication. So, don’t keep it in folks, air your qualms before they get bigger.
3. The Fact That They Argue Rather Than Leave Also Suggests They Are More Committed.
In other words, by putting up a fight, psychologists are suggesting that they are fighting for the relationship as well. I guess you should be more worried when our partner stops arguing with you.
4. Another Study Suggests that Fighting Shows a Couple is Still Interested in Each Other.
Arguing shows that a couple hasn’t “checked out” from the other yet. By trying to argue things through, they’re showing that they are still interested.
5. Some Psychologists Even Say That a Lack Of Arguing Could Be a Seriously Bad Sign.
In some couple dynamics, feeling like you can’t voice your opinion or argue on your behalf could be indicative of an abusive dynamic. After all, much of abuse stems from an abuser’s desire to silence their partner.
6. Fighting Also Helps Avoid Resentment.
Skirting issues that need to be addressed is a key indicator of passive-aggressive behavior, which often leads to boiling resentment. By regularly arguing, you avoid feeling resentful because of bottled-up problems.
7. Psychologists Did Notice That There is a Difference Between “Good Fighting” and “Bad Fighting.”
Good fighting results in constructive actions, no resentment, and a healthier outlook on life. Bad fighting is often abusive in nature and results in one partner giving control to the other just so that the arguing will stop. Unlike with “good” fights, “bad” fights will often lead to resentment.
8. Obviously, Fighting Can Get Ugly.
The study shows that having too many “bad” fights tends to cause breakups, despite the overall trend of frequent arguments having an overall good effect on relationships.
But. . . If done correctly, arguing can save your relationship and even make it more interesting.
9. Psychologists Say That There Are Several Rules To Fighting Fair.
- The biggest rule, of course, is to focus on just the topic at hand. Bringing up the past doesn’t help anyone.
- Respect Is Key. Once you stop keeping things respectful, most arguments veer into the “bad fighting” territory.
- If You Were Wrong, Apologize. It doesn’t make you weaker if you apologize. Rather, it’s a matter of respect.
- Don’t Bring In Third Parties. A good way to make your partner feel disrespected and isolated is to bring in others to the argument. Similarly, psychologists strongly advise against comparing your spouse to someone else.
- Lastly, Don’t Hit Below The Belt. There are certain things you just should never say or do to a spouse. If you cross one of those lines, don’t be shocked if you can’t repair the damage you’ve done.
Do you believe that fighting is healthy in relationships? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below!
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