17 Funny Poop Jokes

Funny Poop Jokes

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Regardless of your age, poop is always funny. Whether  you’re a kid taking a crap in your diaper or an old person in the nursing home doing the same thing, you better find humor in poop. Because it’ll be with you your whole life.

So, to help break you into these (and to pay tribute to my husband whose favorite thing in the world is poop jokes), we’ve come up with a our favorite funny poop jokes for you to laugh your butt off to.

Here are Some Funny Poop Jokes

The Quick, Funny Poop Joke List:

  • Did you hear about the movie Constipation? It never came out.
  • Did you hear about the sequel, Diarrhea? It leaked so they had to release it early.
  • Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He just couldn’t budget.
  • What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
  • When does Denzel Washington have hang out with Rugrats? Potty Training Day.
  • I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday. Then I had probably the biggest vowel movement ever.
  • Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your genes.
  • Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
  • How do you get the bathroom unlocked in a hurry? With a doo-key.
  • What kind of music do you play for a boulder and some toilet paper? Rock n roll!

Longer Poop Jokes:

Long, Funny Poop Joke #1:

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard, “Are you the manager?” she asked, softly

“Actually, no,” he replied.

“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes. I need for you to give him a message,” she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

“What should I tell him?” the flustered bartender managed to stammer.

“Tell him,” she whispered, “There’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.”

Long, Funny Poop Joke #2:

There is a musical toilet and whoever sits on it,the toilet will sing you a song.

So the first guy, Bob, went in and came out and Larry, asked “What did it sing for you?”

Bob said, “Amazing Grace.”

Next another guy, Sam, went in and came out and Larry asked “What did it sing for you?”

Sam said, “Star Spangled Banner.”

Next, Jerry went in and came out, but when he came out from sitting on the musical toilet he looked very embarrassed.

Larry asked “What did it sing for you?” Jerry answered “Do you see what I see?”

Long, Funny Poop Joke #3:

A man was sitting at a bar one day when a pirate walked in. The pirate had a wooden leg, a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said, “Come over here, my friend. You look as though you’ve had a tough life and I’d like to buy you a drink.”

The pirate gladly went over to the man who ordered him a rum.

Then the man asked the pirate, “I’m curious, how did you lose your leg?”

“Arrrgh!” said the pirate, “I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboard for stealing a man’s rum.”

“Wow, that’s awful!” said the man. “And tell me, how did you lose your hand?”

“Arrrgh!” replied the pirate, “I lost that fighting cannibals on a treasure island.”

“Oh my word!” the man said, “How awful! And tell me, how did you lose your eye?”

The pirate said, “Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!”

“A seagull!” The man was surprised. He asked, “Is seagull poop dangerous?!”

The pirate said, “Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook.”

Long, Funny Poop Joke #4:

A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truck load of cow manure.The boy asks him what he’s going to do with all that cow poop.The man says, “I’m taking it home to put on my strawberries.”

The little boy looks up at the man and says, “I don’t know where you come from, but where I come from we put cream and sugar on our strawberries.”

Long, Funny Poop Joke #5:

I went into a public toilet for a poop the other day. I’d just sat down when I heard a voice from the next cubicle say, “Hi, how are you?”

I was a little embarrassed but I replied, “I’m fine thanks.”

Then the voice asked, “So what are you up to?”

I replied, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here.”

Then the voice asked, “Can I come over?”

Annoyed, I said, “Actually, I’m a little busy right now.”

The voice then said, “Listen, I’ll have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door who keeps answering all my questions.”

The Types of Poop Jokes:

  1. The Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.
  2. The Clean Poop: You poop, it’s in the toilet, but there’s nothing on the toilet paper.
  3. The Second Wave Poop: You’re done pooping and you’ve pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you’re not done.
  4. The Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling.
  5. The Corn Poop: Self-explanatory.
  6. The Wet Cheeks Poop: (The power dump) Comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water.
  7. The Upper Class Poop: This poop doesn’t smell.
  8. The The Dangling Poop: This poop refuses to drop, so you just pray and shake.

What’s your favorite poop joke? Share with us in the comments below!

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