23 Funny Sexist Jokes

23 Funny Sexist Jokes

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Whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s always fun to have a good laugh at some funny sexist jokes. As long as you have a thick skin, you should be able to see the humor in things that are humorous about your sex. But if you’re easily offended, I’d recommend you don’t keep reading these. Because we’re about to drop some of the funniest sexist jokes.

Short Funny Sexist Jokes

  • A man driving a car hits a woman. Whose fault is it? The man’s. Why was he driving in the kitchen?
  • What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
  •  What do you call a man who won’t go down on you? You don’t!
  • PMS jokes are funny. Period.
  • What kind of man can you actually change? The ones still in diapers.
  • Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg? They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
  • What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor? A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
  • Love is blind. Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
  • You might as well go for a younger guy. Why? They never mature anyway.
  • Why do women have legs? So they can get from the bedroom to the kitchen!
  • What aren’t blondes sexually active? Because they just lie there.
  • What do you get when you have 50 lesbians and 50 congressmen in one place? A roomful of people who don’t do dick.
  • What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “We better get some support before someone thinks we’re nuts!”
  • A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”
  • Girl: “Girls are better than boys.”
    Boy: “Then why did God make boys first?”
    Girl: “Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy.”
  • Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn’t be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we’d have a bunch of jealous countries that aren’t talking to each other.
  • When can women make you a millionaire? When you’re a billionaire.

Long Funny Sexist Jokes

Funny Long Sexist #1

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”

She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.

Funny Long Sexist #2

A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?”

The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer.

The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!”

He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!”

When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have two million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts.”

Funny Long Sexist #3

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says, “I’m a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional.”

The second guy says, “I’m a DINK. You know, double income, no kids.”

The third guy says, “I’m a RUB. You know, rich urban biker.”

They turn to the woman and ask, “So what are you?”

The woman replies, “I’m a WIFE. You know – Wash, Iron, F***, Etc.”

What’s your favorite funny sexist joke? Share with us in the comments below!

Also check out the best funny long jokes, the best funny dog jokes, the best funny sex jokes, and the best funny jokes for adults.